The other day mama told me, “ How you start is how you end up”. I loosely interpreted her advice in the context of dating. If you start with a work in progress you will end up continuously working on this man you have chosen to invest your tireless energy, intelligence and creativity.
Due to motherly instinct, women often find themselves in positions where they want to help and develop others. Nonetheless, you can’t be everybody’s mama! When you meet a nice young man the first thought should not be how can I help him grow, but how will we grow together. If the pace seems lop-sided, it is more than likely not worth your time. It is no woman’s responsibility’s to develop a man’s inadequacies. You will not be happy and neither will he, as he will be doing more work than ever to play catch-up (that’s if he cares to rise to the occasion).
If you date men with the hopes of developing them into the men you want to be, when and if you marry you will be raising your husband and children. You will find yourself instilling values in your children, teaching your children while your husband learns along with them! Given, as adults you both have a foundation, but again based on that imbalance of the pace at which both of you grow it will be a cumbersome and disappointing lifestyle. On the other hand, you start by welcoming, dating, conversing, and surrounding yourself with positive, progressive people you position yourself for nurturing balanced relationships.
Admittedly the pickings are slim in most major cities: NYC, Chicago, D.C., Atlanta and L.A., but this is where the strength, positivity and progression of the individual come into play. Don’t taint your beautiful mind with media buzz around Black women being undateable because you know what for every article and video clip about said topic I see four or more recently married couples in Jet magazine, within my own family, and amongst my colleagues at work. Whether you want to marry or get to know someone be assured the possibilities are there. Afford yourself the peace of mind that media is a microcosm of reality, when you leave your house it is your own doing whether you stop traffic or go invisible. Game recognizes game, and although you may not bag everything you set your eye on you are still getting noticed for better or worse. Every day is a new day. Starting the day upbeat with a welcoming attitude will not drain you but it will invite others to join you in your jubilation. Especially if you’re a young woman such as myself it’s pumping through our vanes!
I am not forgetting the fact that at times we attract someone from the far left who is completely and entirely incompatible, that should not be a downer, just smile and keep it moving! You never know behind that man yelling “hey light skinned, I like that dress” could be the man who is worth your time, but you were too frowned up to welcome him into a conversation. If you want to end up with a man similar to the likes of your beauty, intellect, ambition and attitude, it starts with you.