So we have all been there- sitting at the kitchen table and talking to your mom or aunt about life, love, and sex. I remember my talk. I come from a deeply rooted southern black family with the southern tradition mentality. The older females in the room just looked at me and said “Baby, your body is your temple.” It is obvious that the strong women in my life were talking about the infamous act of sex before marriage which can lead to the even more infamous act of pregnancy before marriage or the modern day STD scare. In the past 10 months of my singlehood, I have spent a considerable amount of time talking with different men, getting to know them, and ignoring phone calls after I decided to let them go. It has not been until recently, in which I realized that there is more to the “Body Is Your Temple” idea. Yes, my body is a temple. But what about my mind, my emotions, my deep inner thoughts?
Just think about it. We can’t hide from sex. We live in a sex-centric society. We are fascinated by it and terrified of it at the same time. But even though every character in a movie has sex by the third date does not mean that everyday people are opening their legs to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Still, if you are not trying to engage in sexual fantasies with someone, you are still giving up your thoughts and your feelings on the first date before you give up the goods. By the end of the first date, he usually knows where you come from, what your parents do, how many siblings you have, your college degree, and what you want to do for a future career. Granted he doesn’t know all of you, but he knows enough to stalk you on the internet or call his friend and find out if you have any mutual friends (if he desired).
When I first became single, I was on a mission meet as many people as possible and work on my dating skills. I was the girl, who went on numerous dates with various men only to have the same “Tell Me About Yourself” conversation during each meal. And honestly I am burnt out. I am tired of the meaningless conversation that develops into ignored phone calls and missed text messages. My mom always told me that my body is a temple, but I find myself giving away my mind and my soul before even thinking about what is between my legs. So what do you do? You have to get to know people in order to find someone to be with for more than a couple of months. But I refuse to give myself to random people. Not everyone needs to know what I want to accomplish in 10 years. Random people do not have the privilege to know my inner secrets and wishes. Every guy that asks for my number does not need to receive it. It’s more than just standards and expectations. I have decided that we need to protect ourselves from our own openness.
I am very excited about this new guy that I met. We have our official first date in a couple of days. We have a lot in common (as far as I know). I am excited for him to get to know me. I want him to want to know more, to yearn to know more. And when he asks for more of my mind, I can be in a position to decide whether I will give more. So maybe my mom was right. At the end of the day, men will always be the same. They love mystery. They come back because they yearn to know more. Your mind is not a temple, it is a dynasty, full of layers and levels and dynamics that only you can completely understand and comprehend. You need to decide who gets access into those levels. Your mind, your thoughts, your wishes, and your dreams are beautiful and a blessing from a higher power. Cherish them and only give them to people that you feel will respect them.
Your body is also a temple. But Lord knows, that is a separate conversation for a separate time and place.