Just Play.

April 27, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I’m about to let you in on a secret. I’m a huge fan of clichés. I don’t generally walk around spewing tired platitudes like “there’s beauty all around us” but there is! I may have a bit of an angry face but in my head, I’m saying stuff like this all the time.

Lately, I haven’t explored this love like usual. In the last year, I’ve transformed from a thinker -the reflective, contemplative type to more of a doer. I rarely keep still. I’ve found the transition to be necessary and appropriate, effortless in fact. The new me is a lot less aloof and indecisive – less annoying even! Last year, deciding if I was gonna order pizza or buffalo wings required the brainpower of preliminary research. Now I just choose the cheapest or whichever is closest. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ve simply become broke and lazy.

Anyways, I digress. I am currently completing a yearlong fellowship. Thus the job search begins again. All of the employees at my job have been hounding me with one question, “so have you figured out what you’re doing next year.” They’re freaking out for me. They can’t imagine being in my position with my whole life turned around in a day (which would be the day I get my last paycheck and have to exit the apartment provided). Yeah, that day may suck, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had worse days.

I’m just not about to let that phase me. Reading the article: Don’t Work. Be Hated. Love Someone. only solidified the fact that my judgment is usually that of a sage.

At this juncture in life what I find most beautiful is precisely that: this juncture in life. I’m in my early 20s, I live in one of the greatest cities in the world, and I have no kids. As far as I’m concerned, life is grand.

I need to play. You should too.

Easier said than done, right?

I know. I’m not so strong. I get weak. I know it that securing a job with a salary is the responsible decision. It would be wise to put a dent in my student loans. Sometimes I wonder how much could be reduced for an insignificant body part or two – like my pinky fingernail or my second toe that doesn’t bend anyway. Those together have to be at least 5Gs. Come on!

However, taking a job that does not excite me would be me buying into some facade of responsibility impressed upon me by societal norms in a culture that probably works too hard and has a crappy economic system to show for it anyway. I would do so out of compulsion rather than desire. What I need to work for is finding something that love rather than something that simply pays the bills.

PLAY.

Cheers to finding courage and discovering your purpose!

Filed Under: Blog, Career + Internships, Featured, Other Side Tagged With: , , , , ,

Location: In La La land…. but I’m not dreaming

April 23, 2012 by 3 Comments

If you would have asked me 5 months ago, where I would be in April 2012,  I would have probably  been annoyed. Then I’d say, “I don’t bleeping know” in a more tactful manner. This time in December, I was nearing the end of my term on Capitol Hill and once again found myself at a dead end. I felt I had exhausted my resources as far as coffee and informational meetings and emails could take you and working at Starbucks had started to seem like the most viable option. My plan after the holidays in Minnesota was to return to Washington D.C., find a peanut job so I could eat and at least pay my angel of an auntie a little something for letting me squat in her apartment, and co-produce a webisode series I wrote with the little money I had. Meanwhile, I would wait for my 5-figure job to fall from the sky.

The Sunday before my departure from Minnesota, I received a call from one of my best friends from high school that I can now confidently say changed the course of my life forever. She asked me if I had a job yet and if I’d be willing to move to L.A. to work for a show we will refer to as, Mr. Bigtime. A production assistant had just quit and she was going to give my resume to the producer. After wiping up my drool I was able to say, heck yes. In a matter of two hours I was on the phone with a producer for Mr. Bigtime. She was extremely bubbly and excited to talk to little old me for some reason. This woman tells me (and my mom, who was sitting on pins and needles listening along), “Now, I could hire someone locally, but because of your resume and what I’ve heard about you if you can get here by next Monday the job is yours. Call me on Tuesday with your answer.” It took a nanosecond for me to decide that I would go. I really could not believe it! Me, the quirkster, suburban, African girl was finally going to the big time! Who knew, maybe I would have a chance to be the first production assistant ever to take over a major network primetime show. At this point anything was possible!  I floated. Of course my parents were elated as well.  So much so they told quite literally our whole extended family. Immediately, I devised a plan that I would go to D.C., pack up my things, and fly to L.A. that Saturday. I bought my ticket from Reagan to LAX, planned to ship my car, and made arrangements to stay with my friend until I could find my own place.

When I called the woman back her tone was substantially less bubbly and she told me to call her back on Thursday. Strange I thought, this hussy better not try to pull a fast one on me. In the days leading up to Thursday I could not eat or sleep. It was definitely the worst anticipation anxiety I’ve ever had. My gut told me that something was wrong. I called again on Thursday and she handed the phone to her Associate producer who goes through my job description, what my days will be like, tells me to watch the last 2 episodes of the show, and tells me she will email me a sample of the packets I will put together each week. AH, I could breath again It hought until I heard her whisper “Should I tell her now?” The associate producer then informs me that  she would “ call me back in 5 min”.

I wanted to say, “No, you trickster. Tell me whatever you have to say NOW!” I mean, come on woman, this was no small decision, it’s Thursday and my ticket was for Saturday. But I conceded and again waited for her call. FOUR HOURS LATER my phone rings. The sweethearted associate producer is on the line. It went something like this:

“Hi hun, we actually decided to hire someone local just because we didn’t want you to move here just for this job, you know? And we’d feel responsible if it didn’t work out.”…And a bunch of other stuff that sounded like the teacher from Charlie Brown. At the end, I simply said, “Okay, thank you for your consideration.”

So here we have it, a one way a non-refundable ticket to Los Angeles International Airport, cancelled casting calls for my webisode series, and a big fat question mark lingering over my head. The bon voyage dinner my best friend Camille and I cooked had turned in to something quite different.  It wasn’t until Camille’s older brother said, “Well, you’re still going right” that I considered still going. Who knows what could happen, I thought. But this was just too gutsy; my parents would think I was crazy. And obviously I was because that Saturday I got on the plane and not one of those doubts have come to fruition.

I just recently made the deposit on a studio in, yes you guessed right, L.A. May will not only mark my 1st year as a graduate, but also my 5th month living in the City of Angels. Within a week of arriving in this foreign land, I had a freelance job on a film. This led me to the permanent job I have now. My dream of pursuing acting seemed so far fetched only weeks before; I now have an agent. And most unbelievably to me, I auditioned, passed, and enrolled in the first course at the Groundlings School. Something I truly dreamed of, but thought could only be reality years from whenever I was dreaming. I really cannot believe my life right now and I owe it all to that tricky producer at Mr. Bigtime.

You see, I didn’t ramble on with every detail of that story to hype myself. That’s actually one of my least favorite things to do. I want you to understand my thought process because I know you’ve worn those apprehensive shoes too. We’ve all found ourselves at a dead end where our options seemed limited. We doubt, we stress, and we complain about things that are out of our control as opposed to the easier  option of taking control.  There is something beautiful about risk. No, not tightrope walking across a high-rise building over a pool of sharks. I’m talking about jumping in to an insecure situation and trusting yourself to turn it into something solid. When you take risks, you take control. Think about the times where you doubted yourself and went for it anyway. You took a risk! Regardless if the situation ended in your favor or not, I know you lived because you’re reading this article. And if it don’t kill ya, (in unison, please) it makes ya stronger. My friends, when it comes to your dreams, especially those that seem farfetched, the only thing that will come from sitting and waiting is a sore toosh. Make the choice to take control and turn your dreams in to your reality. You’ll surprise yourself.

And always, be thankful!

Filed Under: Blog, Career + Internships, Featured, Other Side Tagged With: , , , , ,

I Used to Love Him

April 17, 2012 by 2 Comments

The thing about finding the right timing for a partner is that you have to be in the right timing yourself. For me, that means shedding all of the emotions from my tumultuous 2 year relationship with my college boyfriend. It was one of those roller-coaster relationships where everything was either perfectly peachy or horribly wrong.

I remember when we broke up. He told me “I need you, but I don’t want you.” I remember the five sleepless nights where I replayed that scene and that quote in my head over and over again, believing that I was the reason why the supposed love of my life no longer wanted me.

I remember two good friends staying with me during the weekend and staying up all night as we watched re-runs of Sex and the City and ate gummy bears until we almost exploded. In between each episode we deconstructed my relationship. We discussed what I did wrong, what he did wrong, and more importantly, why I stayed during all of the negativity. I never had a rational answer. My friends never understood why I pretended to forgive him when he didn’t come to my college graduation. I never understood why he pretended to forgive me when I held him so close that he found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place.

See, the thing about break ups is that they are nothing like the tabloids. There is no million-dollar payout from some random magazine that wants the secrets to your ex. There is no television show special that you attend in order to dispel the dating rumors between you and your alleged rebound. It is just plain loneliness. There are moments of “I am better off without him,” and moments of “What did I do to influence this?” There is this continued emotion that rocks your body to the core, but at the same time uplifts you from the shackles of the day to day disconnect between you and him. The media portrays heartache as this two day flu that is remedied by some good friends, cheap chocolate, and horrible television. After you finish your prescription drugs from Dr. Cupid, some beautiful man bumps into you at Wal-Mart and the whole process starts all over again. But that is not the real world.

I used to love him. I used to love the way he said “I love you”. I used to love the way he would bring me my favorite soup from the university coffee shop. I used to love the way he would surprise me with my favorite flower after a long week of finals. I used to love our addiction to each other. It takes more than a hug and a pat on the back for the pieces of my emotions to shape back together. I am getting over it, slowly but surely. I am finding my way throughout the world as a one person team, instead a double. But now, I am more in love with the idea of loving myself without him. I am learning more and more that in order to be the best partner for my future partner, I need to love myself first. I need love myself hard. I need to love myself to the core.

With this new found single freedom, I am realizing that it is ok to be happy, confident, sexy, sassy, without being in a relationship. It is perfectly fine to be content with singlehood. And it is perfectly fine to fall in love again with Mr. Right Timing at the right time. Until then, I will continue to find the joy and the love for me inside the multiple deep layers of my own emotions.

We had a phone conversation about a month ago. My last line: “I wanted you and now I no longer need you.”

Filed Under: Blog, Featured, Lifestyle, Other Side, Relationships Tagged With: , ,

Find a Warm Place and Build

March 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

A few weeks back I spoke on a Career Panel with my mentee’s mentees who participate in a program called NYU Reaching Out. It is a mentorship program for high school girls created by a group of NYU Opportunity Program students. The other panelists and I shared advice on how to position yourself for success in college and in your career. One of the panelists had this suggestion to share: to find your warm place. This is not a hippie way of saying go where you’re comfortable, but rather surround yourself with like-minded, supportive individuals.

In recollection of my own path, I found “warm places” in various organizations including Management Leadership for Tomorrow (MLT), NYU Opportunity Programs and WEST just to name a few. They all supported and invested in my growth in different ways, which prepared me to become the person I am today, and supports my continuous evolution. MLT provided a warm place for me to grow as a professional, NYU OP provided the warm place for me to grow as a student and WEST provided the warm place for me to grow as young woman. While I greatly owe my foundation to my amazing mother, these groups greatly influenced my capacity to build and achieve my goals.

Women of Excellence, Strength and Tenacity, Inc. (WEST) consists of young women who are college students, graduate students and young professionals. We also coordinate a mentoring program for 5th grade girls at The Harriet Tubman Learning Center (PS 154). We meet in Harlem and participate in monthly community service projects and social events. We are a 501(c)3 nonprofit entity with a very bold mission to empower women, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or social status.We work to develop the gifts, talents and leadership abilities of all young women as they become  influential voices in the global world. This year I am proud to say that WEST and I will be springing forward at our 3rd Annual Empowerment Conference. As an active member for 3 years, I look forward to our event themed “Triumph Over Trials”. Rightly named, nothing worth having is easy, and the ladies of WEST have certainly worked hard for the past 2 conferences leading up to this one. We expect double the attendance of our first event, and we have extraordinary guest speakers including Liz Black, Phyllis Yvonne Stickney and Erica Ford.

Workshops include Declaring Financial Independence, Building Quality Relationships from a Male’s Perspective, Women in Media: MissRepresentation and many more.

On Saturday, March 31, 2012 join us while finding your warm place and build!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Blog, College Life, Featured, Lifestyle, Other Side, Relationships, She Rules Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Giving Up When the Statistic Is Not Enuff.

March 22, 2012 by 2 Comments

Let’s face it. That princess fantasy of finding your prince charming in the university library or locking eyes in the middle of a college lecture is not the norm for all of us. It is true that some have found true love matches in this manner, but for me, that was not the case. I spent my high school career trying to find myself through my high school transcript and a plethora of after-school activities. Even though I had the urge to date, I didn’t find anyone that I could connect with on a deeper level or someone who was willing to be questioned by dad and his supposed shotgun that he stored in his imaginary closet known as “overprotective”.

So when it was time to attend college, I only dreamed of a place where there would be intelligent men at my disposal. At the tender age of 18, I decided that I was going to find my future husband at some 4 year institution. Between history papers, math finals, and hanging out with friends, my prince charming and I would fall madly in love and name our future children. Little did I know that the minds of college 20-somethings don’t usually have the capacity to think past “I just need to graduate” and “thank God my parents are not around”.

Fast forward 4 years. I graduated, got the good job, started the perfect new lifestyle with an income of my own disposal and I am single. I went on multiple dates in college, had a couple of long term relationships, but nothing stuck. Some of them were my fault, some of the were his fault. But the point is that I walked across my graduation stage with a dual degree and no promise to a Tiffany sparkler. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is a wake-up call for a young professional workaholic like myself. Despite the media’s portrayal of us black college educated females as desperate and forever single, I am not desperate. We are not desperate. As a matter of fact, I am very comfortable being single. Just because the media portrays me as this depressed workaholic who has everything but the man by her side, does not mean that I perform this behavior. Being single is uplifting. It is an amazing experience that lets you find yourself. Being single is freedom. It gives you the freedom to be who you are and to figure out what you want to be become.

But I would be lying if I said that I do not think about the possibility of my Mr. Right frequently. I have a college degree, an awesome first job, a massive collection of contacts on LinkedIn. I have put myself in a position to succeed in the working world. The bills are paid and once in a while me and Nordstrom.com rekindle our relationship via my credit card. But this whole love life thing is something that I haven’t seemed to get a tight grasp. It is windy, it is confusing, and it is full of ups, downs, and circles. I have been on multiple dates since my start of singlehood, most of them ending in very strict good byes. From the students, to the working ones, to the “saving money by living at home”, I have met them all, talked to most, date a handful, and selected a few as friends. And what I have realized is that maybe Mr. Right is does not exist because Mr. Right is the wrong man for me. Ladies, what we are looking for is Mr. Right Timing. You know, the person who has had his ups and his downs. The person who has figured out their goals, their dreams, their flaws, and their strengths.

So this is my new prophecy! To all my single working girls who are looking to find themselves and a Mr. Right Timing: We will not give up.Our partners are out there, somewhere. Just because he didn’t pop the question before we moved to this new chapter of our lives does not mean that we won’t find someone for a moment or for a lifetime. But before we are ready to be united with this “perfect partner” we need to take the time to look at ourselves.

Call in the big guns, call in the militia because this is about to be a wild ride full of fun, confusion, fabulousity, and just overall entertainment. To All my Single Gals: Stay Tuned for the truth- Balancing the career dreams and the dating dreams with style, grace, and a couple of good laughs.

Filed Under: Blog, Featured, Other Side, Relationships Tagged With: , , , , ,

Thank you, thank you, and thank you too.

November 24, 2011 by Leave a Comment

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Imagine the original feast; Pilgrims dressed in those cute black outfits and Indians with their colorful headgear. Everyone gathered around Plymouth Rock to enjoy turkey, mashed potatoes, and stuffing all in thanks giving of their plentiful harvest. Some accounts note the Pilgrims insistence on ending the event early in order to wake up the next morning for Black Friday shopping, but this information is not confirmed.

Okay, perhaps I embellished the description a little bit and left out the part about seizing land by force which is slightly less glamorous, but it was just to convince you why a day devoted to giving thanks is so important.

I went to Ghana for the second time the summer before 8th grade after a dramatic 7th grade year. My group of friends, which some might label a clique, thought we were the coolest thing to hit the Midwestern suburbs. I mean, we could go to the movies alone and be in serious relationships, we were mature and sophisticated. This was a time when people had graduated to wearing junior sizes at Limited Too.  We were grown. And as I’m sure you can imagine, this newfound maturity also came with drama.

Every week, some one was ousted from the group. If one member had a dispute with another, the party at fault was excommunicated. I honestly never thought I would be the outcast until it happened to me. I was sitting at home when a friend (friend number one) called me to talk about another friend (friend number two) who had risen as our group leader. Of course I engaged in the conversation enthusiastically without a care in the world. I mean I was a mature woman after all. We ended the discourse and I quickly went to make another call. I picked up the phone and heard the familiar voices of friend number one and friend number two. It appeared that I had been 3-wayed in order for friend number two to remain silent on the phone and hear first hand what I thought of her. This event resulted in my ousting. For the rest of the year I was ignored by my former friends. I would hang out with some of them on the weekends, but never in the presence of friend number two. Perhaps a wee bit dramatic, but I made it clear to my parents that it was imperative I moved out of the continental United States. I went as far as looking up boarding schools in Ghana and everywhere I knew I had family. My parents did not give in to my pleas and I finished the year. When I found out that we would be traveling to Ghana that summer, I was elated at the fact that I could finally just get away…

DRAMA QUEEN- Yes, I know.

In the 2nd week of our month-long trip, we ventured to Japekrom, the home city of my father. I had been there once before, but only carried vague memories of the family members I met. We pulled up in front of a relatives home and children descended from everywhere, starring and pointing at us. As we walked from house to house greeting relatives and sharing gifts from abroad, the group of children increased in size. I asked a relative why the kids were starring at us and I will never forget the words he uttered to me, “They want to go to America too, you are lucky.”

That moment and many others since have shaped my love of giving thanks. Despite such maturity and sophistication, in 7th grade I never took the time to reflect on what I really had. So easily, with the change of one detail, I could have been one of the kids in the street. If my parents had not made the decision to come to the U.S. and establish a life for themselves, I very well may have been selling fruit or ice water in the market. This fact shapes who I am today and makes me ever thankful for my life.

Too often we are consumed by complaints and dissatisfaction with everything that is wrong in our lives; completely disregarding how fortunate we really are. This Thanksgiving, take some time and think about how lucky you are. No matter how negative the situation, there may be a positive lingering around the corner that goes completely unnoticed. I charge all Zora readers to be grateful for the life you’ve been given and the people in it, eat some turkey, and give thanks!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Filed Under: Blog, Culture, Featured, Other Side

Fascinating

November 11, 2011 by 1 Comment

A few days ago, I was kickin’ it with fellow Zora girl Jess when she said something that made me perk up and lean back in my seat simultaneously. She described a Women’s Studies professor and mentor of hers as “FASCINATING.”

Fascinating – what a word. It’s one of those words people mean when they say it. Know what I mean? It’s like the person who says she’s feeling “great!” or “wonderful!’ when asked, “How are you?” Most of us just say “Fine” no matter what.

In that moment, as superficial as it may sound, I knew that in the future, I would not mind people using the word fascinating to describe me.

What does it mean to be fascinating?

Since arriving at what I like to call my “college-conjured consciousness,” I’ve met my most fascinating character in Maya Angelou. I read her work for the first time in the summer of 2010. And unlike most, I did not start with I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. Instead I read, The Heart of a Woman.

The book is the fourth volume of her autobiography. It picks up as she is moving to Laurel Canyon, a Hollywood suburb. She was just leaving a hippie houseboat commune in Sausalito. Before that, she traveled Europe for a year as a dancer with Porgy and Bess. On page 5 of the book (yes page 5) Maya’s voice coach informs her that Billie Holiday is stopping through town and he wants to bring her over to Maya’s place for dinner. Surprising to both, the two women end up spending an eventful four days together.

In the book, Ms. Angelou goes on to meet a prominent South African anti-apartheid activist, marry him, move to Cairo, Egypt, leave him, and finally move to Accra, Ghana on a whim to begin a brand new career.

Throughout the novel, I found myself endlessly fascinated by Ms. Angelou’s ability to go beyond accepting the hand she was dealt, but changing her cards to play the game of life with a quiet ferociousness and masterful strategy. Further, her knack for finding herself at the right place at the right time was uncanny!

What does it mean for a black female graduate to be fascinating? Defying stereotypes is a place to start, I think. There are sure choices that black women can make to live a life different from what “they” believe we can accomplish. I’d like to think I’ve made some of the right choices to lead me to success. But to be fascinating, requires more.

To be fascinating is to take the road less traveled by. To be fascinating is to go against the grain in pursuit of one’s goals. To be fascinating is to live the life that YOU have imagined. Most people don’t live the life they’ve imagined; they live a life of obligation.

Trust me, I know that making these choices won’t always be easy.

In The Heart of a Woman before Maya Angelou makes one of her big moves, she says, “I had to trust life since I was young enough to believe that life loved the person who dared to live it.”

I am still young enough to believe.

I urge you: Be fascinating! It may involve taking risks. It should! Remember, the consequences are of no consequence.

Don’t think, just jump.

Filed Under: Blog, Culture, Featured, Other Side

so says me…

October 28, 2011 by 1 Comment

If there is one thing that has surprised me about life on the other side of the degree, it is the extent to which I am able to leverage certain creative projects into brand building ventures and opportunities. Zora has become a launch pad for several hustles. I’ve been honored to speak on panels with legends- Joan Morgan, Elizabeth Mendez Berry, Esther Armah;  I’ve produced an event for one of New York’s biggest Hip Hop showcases, The Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival. But don’t get it twisted, I’m not a chick who refuses to ground her hustle in a firm academic reality and background.

My hustles are birthed out of my academic prowess. Yes, I am a total book nerd. More importantly, I am learning how to make my prowess work in my favor. It’s a matter of refinement and mastery, not a desire to become a phenom. Just check the article written by The Skinny Black Girl, Attack of the Hustlers. Not everyone knows the difference.

So when a documentary I directed  was accepted into the 1st Annual Sisterhood Summit sponsored by Aiesha Turman and the good ladies of The Black Girl Project, I was elated because for two years, my co-directors( shout out to Zora contributor Maame Yaa) and I had no idea how to share, what began as an academic project, with others. Sure, my grandma and papa held their own obligatory screening but I wanted other women, men, thinkers, bookworms, hip hop heads, lovers, and students to see the work that I hold so dear to my heart.

I had prided myself on the ability to channel the hustle yet  for two years I sat on this film, allowing such a creative piece to fade to black – part fear, part laziness.

so says she collages the narratives of five different black women experiencing Ghana together. For the young women in this film, their time spent in Ghana becomes a platform  to question and reflect, judge and reconsider, express and create. Their encounters with past and present, placement and displacement, home and homelessness narrate their Diaspora, using a language of curiosity and candidness.

The Sisterhood Summit represented the perfect outlet for such a film as it was tailored for women of color, specifically young women of color. Over 20 workshops participants facilitated session on social justice, sexuality, entreprenuership, and even college readiness. However, positioning so says she as a conversation around identity invites new voices into the dialogue that aren’t necesarily the voices of women of color. For, we all grapple with the complexity of culture, class, race, and language.

That fact eluded me in the time following the completetion of the documentary. Perhaps, I was still overwhelmed by my own reaction to Ghana. Or maybe, my brain had been fried via my struggle with Final Cut Pro (and believe me, it was a struggle). Whatever the reason, it wasn’t until I revisited the film in preparation for the summit, the memories of the Accra and the relationship that I share with the women featured in the documentary that I fully realized how vital this film is to my brand, my hustle, and my story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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